MATTICUS: Hello everyone! It’s THAT time again! And do you know what THAT time is?

EVERYONE: Another interview with God!

MATTICUS: That’s right!

GOD: We have an ‘everyone’? Where are they?

MATTICUS: Skyping, texting, IM-ing, listening online, etc.

GOD: I see. Well, that will all be coming to an end soon.

MATTICUS: And that’s exactly why we’re here today with you to discuss this whole apocalypse thingie, to have you explain it and why it is necessary.

GOD: Read your Bible. It’s all in Revelations.

EVERYONE: Amen! All hail the Lord!

MATTICUS: That it is, but it’s always an appreciated pleasure to have the actual source or ‘creator’ to talk to us about it face to face.

GOD: Make this quick, Matticus. I have much planning to do for it.

MATTICUS: Funny…I thought GOD could snap his fingers and make anything happen…or do you HAVE fingers?

GOD: Matticus…

MATTICUS: Sorry…was just thinking out loud there. Then again, you did take seven days to create all of this and…

GOD: Matticus, at this rate you’re going to be LEFT BEHIND.

MATTICUS: My apologies. Anyhoo…so, according to the bible there’s this scroll

with seven seals, and for every one broken something bad happens to us here on Earth, yes?

GOD: So I have written.

MATTICUS: In fact, there are some pretty cool movies about that stuff. I’m

curious if you get royalties on that stuff since they are YOUR ideas. I mean…

GOD: Matticus, keep this up and you’ll be one of the FIRST to be left behind.

MATTICUS: Did you see those films?

GOD: Lose the mockery QUICKLY.

MATTICUS: Actually I’m quite serious. I found numerous contradictions in them to the point where they were condescending and self righteous.

GOD: Your point?

MATTICUS: I would think our all-mighty God wouldn’t support something like that, unless it’s an Old Testament kinda thing.

GOD: You have a problem with the older version?

MATTICUS: Yeah…YOU. I mean, I blame it on the actual writers but they have you going from Jekyll to Hyde. But I decided I’d give you the benefit of the doubt

and figure you were just either bi-polar…or the Prozac kicked in.

GOD: You brought me here to discuss the apocalypse, so get on with it.

MATTICUS: Sorry about that. I figured that, since you’re all knowing, that you’d already know I’d go off on tangents and perhaps you’d avoid them ahead of time. BUT, we’ve already touched on that subject before, SOOO…let’s discuss the ‘end of the world’.

GOD: That would be fine.

MATTICUS: Well, this kind of embarrasses me because I really only have ONE

question for you.

GOD: That is perfect since I’m running late for my appointment with my son at

the Heavenly Hardware Store.

EVERYONE: Amen!

MATTICUS: Uhhh…actually, that was pretty tacky (or naily), but here’s my

question…WHY?

GOD: Why what?

MATTICUS: Why cause an apocalypse?

GOD: Haven’t you read your bible?

MATTICUS: Absolutely.

GOD: Then you know of my plan.

EVERYONE: Praise God!

MATTICUS: Yepper doodle. But I would revert back to an earlier interview where

we pointed out that a supreme/OMNI being wouldn’t have to make PLANS for

anything. However, putting that aside, why an apocalypse? Why such devastation in order to set up for a ‘Judgment Day’? Why would an all-loving being have any desire to weed out (kill off) the non-believers and bring up everyone else into Heaven? That sounds rather egotistical to me.

GOD: How DARE you speak this way to ME!

EVERYONE: How dare you!?

MATTICUS: How dare I? Well, if you ask your beloved Christians, by their theory, I am simply practicing that good ol’ “free will” you supposedly granted us all.

GOD: You NEVER question your Lord!

EVERYONE: Never!

MATTICUS: Ahhh…so there are double standards applied to that. Okay…well, my question remains…why an apocalypse? Why inflict such devastation and pain on humans YOU created, gave free will to, only to kill off those who chose to think for themselves and choose their own paths?

EVERYONE: Don’t answer him, Lord! Let him burn in Hell! Jesus is waiting at the store…you could even take him to Payless Shoes…just leave this chump!

(pause)

MATTICUS: God?

(pause)

MATTICUS: Um…

GOD: Have you seen “2012”?

MATTICUS: Yeah. I own it. Fun movie but it has nothing to do with you.

GOD: Sometimes I need a break from ME. We can continue this later. You busy?

MATTICUS: Not at all.

EVERYONE: We’ll bring the popcorn!

*Love or hate me, your comments and emails are always welcome

Matticus

moviwriter@yahoo.com