Ha ha!

Hoo hoo!

Wasn’t that funny?!

What?

Oh c’mon…abortion, gun control, rape, pedophilia, necrophilia, molestation, crotch crickets…

There’s gotta be somethin’ funny in all of it, right?

Um…

My job as a column writer is to remain humorous, to entertain you, to bring you a smile and giggle despite all the negativity we all deal with every day, let alone in this town.

I see it all and hear about it all but its up to me to put some kind of humorous spin on it.

Allow me to back up for a moment…

I’m primarily a screen writer and my focus is on horror, suspense and dark comedy.

(AKA…I write mega-intense material, but on occasion I dabble on the funny side of life, a very dark side).

When it comes to scripting, dark comedy seems to come easily for me.

But that’s 90-120 pages of uber pre-planned and outlined material which I develop over a few weeks.

When it comes to weekly columns…oh brother!

I pick on subjects that fascinate me, something that I feel I can place a silly spin on…and then go for it.

Truth is, there are so many topics that I want to write about but I want to spew my serious side.

But I can’t unless it’s for some blog on Facebook or Myspace.

And those are fine but I have this desire to share those with you, my MLN readers…which I can only do if they’re funny.

Therefore, I literally will write a column in “serious” mode…and then go back over it and edit in humorous parts.

I pride myself in my editing ability but this aspect has proven to be one hell of a challenge.

And weekly.

Granted there are some subjects I have a humorous field day with and can just imagine my readers spewing milk out their noses while reading…but you might be amazed at how many of those remain on the editing room floor.

In fact, as you read this I will have already edited in anything funny.

And it wasn’t easy.

No siree bobathon!

For example…

Like many of you I read the daily news on this site and it infuriates me enough to respond.

Our boneheaded city council and mayor are CLEARLY on their way up the political ladder due to their behavior paralleling that of our country’s government.

(Superficiality anyone? I can say that because I don’t work for them. Cool, eh?)

And it pisses YOU off and it pisses ME off.

But what can we do?

Between them and Black Gaming owning 60% of this town, we are simply butt monkeys along for THEIR ride.

We are piss ants living in their Cheerios.

But we leave comments…BOY do we vent our thoughts!

So do I!

Why?

I have a difficult time believing that Mayor H or Black actually take the time to read our caca.

And that motivates me to write about it…but in a serious tone.

And that’s the problem…I have to find the funny in it all…or walk away.

“The mayor blew smoke up our butts again but we offered her an ashtray!”

“Black Gaming discontinued employee discounts, which irritates us, BUT there’s a sale on Top Ramen, so who needs the damn buffet anyway?”

Huh?

Are ya giggling?

Or do I just walk away and find a different subject?

That’s a subject that affects SO many of us and so I want to write about it…but unless I make you pee your britches in laughter….ix ney.

More members of the Chamber are bailing due to…um, I dunno…maybe due to the Chamber and city politics?

Hmmm…sounds a bit serious to me.

Maybe those who bailed made a bet…”If the Celtics win game seven, they’ll stay on”…Oopsy.

See…I have to find something funny in it all.

After all, take a look at the other columns…Babbles, Influence, Positive Thinking…

“Just think positive, avoid reality and all will be fine!” ~ Matticus…on crank.

Truth is, being humorous despite most everything sucking… is a bitch…but I DIG IT.

It’s my job to make you all giggle…and I will.

Often that requires that I step away from local negative caca…so be it.

Local politics suck, businesses shutting down, people gossiping for sake of limited entertainment, a mouse burping knocks out your internet/cable for the day…all great topics to spew on.

But I gotta find the funny.

*Love or hate me, your comments and emails are always welcome

-Matticus

moviwriter@yahoo.com