It’s about time those stuffed shirts in the Republican Party finally loosened up a little bit.

Previously, their party creed when it came to teen pregnancy was “pack ‘er up and ship her to her aunt in Poughkeepsie.”

That seems to be their best answer, since they’ve made it their mission to overturn Roe v. Wade, offering in its place “abstinence” as the only alternative.

(Obviously, that pamphlet hasn’t made its way to Alaska yet.)

It’s fun to watch the pulpit pundits from the “Moral Majority” scrambling to find nice things to say about what they used to vociferously call a “sin,” now that one of their own is dealing with a pregnant, unwed, teenaged daughter on a very public Republican stage. [[AD-41-Left]]

They can’t very well come out and call their possible future vice president ugly names.

Besides, as far as the Moral Majority is concerned, it’s not so bad.

After all, in their eyes, at least the vice president’s daughter isn’t a lesbian!

(What? Who? Mary Cheney? She is? You’ve got to be kidding. I hadn’t heard!)

Well, the Moral Majority still has to be happy with McCain’s pick for veep.

Palin and her husband are longtime hardcore Republicans, devoted to the party.

They can overlook a little transgression.

After all, it’s not like either of the Palins were ever Democrats, or Heaven forbid, Independents!

(What? Who? Todd Palin? Really? No, I never heard of the Alaska Independent Party.)

Okay, so he isn’t a dedicated ‘Publican.

So what?

That’s just a meaningless political party affiliation.

The future vice president’s husband is just a bit of a harmless rebel.

It’s not like he’s a drunk or anything.

(What? Who? DUI you say? I didn’t know drunk driving was illegal up there.)

Gosh, that might be a bad thing, but it shouldn’t count against Sarah Palin.

After all, former Democratic president Bill Clinton’s wife Hillary always got a free pass from the media whenever she got into some sort of zaniness as the Commander-In-Chief’s spouse.

Nobody ever picked on her the way they’re picking on Todd Palin.

(What? Whitewater who? Travelgate? I’m not sure what you’re talking about.)

By now, the Moral Majority has to be saying “okay, let’s take all of the family stuff off the table.”

And they’re right.

We should only be talking about the candidates themselves.

And when you’re talking Sarah Palin, you’re talking about a good pro-gun advocate who would never embarrass the party by doing something dumb with a firearm.

You see, a GOP vice president is the kind of responsible, cautious gun owner that every American should aspire to be.

(What? Who? Really? A shotgun, you say. Shot Dan Quayle in the face. Oh, Cheney shot an ATTORNEY in the face while HUNTING quail. I’ve got to get out more.)

When a vice president accidentally shoots someone in the face with a shotgun, it’s natural for folks to joke that “maybe he was smoking pot at the time.”

Of course, that could never really happen.

After all, smoking pot is a Democrat kind of thing, the sort of frivolous drug use you would only expect from people named Clinton and Obama.

No straight-laced Republican political leader would ever dream of using drugs.

(What? Who? She admitted to it? College, you say. So you’re telling me they have guns, liquor, sex, AND pot in Alaska? Who knew it was such a fun place?)

You know what, enough about the vice presidents.

We shouldn’t even be talking about them.

It’s the presidential candidates we should really be discussing.

And we all know the Republican candidate has it hands-down all over the Dems.

I mean, instead of the GOP, just take a look at the POC…the Party of Clinton.

There’s a guy who taught an entire nation that “oral” doesn’t count as sex.

Clinton, a Democrat, is acknowledged as the greatest womanizer in the history of the White House since John F. Kennedy.

And Kennedy!

There’s another Democratic philanderer!

If the Moral Majority can still plant their flag on one thing, it’s the fact that their Republican presidential candidate will raise no questions about things like marital fidelity.

(What? Cheated on who? Who is Carol McCain? I thought Cindy was John’s wife. Oh, the FIRST Mrs. McCain. Got it.)

Maybe that’s not a fair comparison.

Barack Obama is a Democrat, which means that he would probably stray if he got the chance.

But then again, we’ve all met Michelle Obama.

I just can’t imagine Barack going to sleep at night in the White House after cheating with an intern when the strong black woman he’s married to has access to the presidential cutlery drawer.

So things may not be looking so good for the Moral Majority in this election.

But you’ve got to hand it to those religious zealots, they continue to back their candidates no matter what.

They could have had their choice between two honorable vice presidential candidates without all the baggage.

But it appears that the Moral Majority would prefer scandals involving teen pregnancy, drugs, drinking, campaign fund shenanigans, questionable firings of public officials over a brother in law, homosexuality, carelessness with firearms…anything, just so long as the candidate isn’t a Mormon or a Jew.

The good news is that rumors are already swirling about who the Moral Majority will support in the 2012 election.

Word is that they don’t care what party the candidate belongs to.

They’re just looking for someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink excessively, doesn’t do drugs, someone whose children won’t get pregnant out of wedlock, a person whose spouse won’t embarrass them, a dedicated and loyal team player whose ideology doesn’t vacillate, a charismatic potential leader with a catchy name who is comfortable speaking to large crowds and looks good wearing the white hat.

I understand they’ve narrowed the field down to two people.

Unfortunately for them, the Pope already has a job, and they just can’t seem to find the mailing address for this guy named Osama.